Pro Jank Footy Review

I’ve never really understood Aussie Rules football. The last time I encountered it was on Eurosport (a channel that specialised in obscure sports from around the world) during the 80s. The adverts for the sport were very much ‘not your mum’s Rugby Union, this is Aussie Rules!’ in terms of tenor and I remember watching mulleted men butting into each other and generally looking annoyed as they jumped to catch a ball while the advert went AUSSIE RULES FOOTY.

I was hyped to watch a match, but then I did catch game and was baffled by the reality, what was a “behind”? Why did the game keep stopping? Where was all the no-nonsense anger? I’d hoped to be watching something close to the violent future sport of Rollerball, but instead it was a lot of men running around shouting, with some of the most confusing rules I’d ever seen.

With all that put aside, I think I can confidently say that Pro Jank Footy is a perfect simulation of the spirit of the 80s adverts for Aussie Rules football. Sorry, I should have written that as “AUSSIE RULES FOOTY”.

Pro Jank Footy is pretty straight forward – with lush pixel graphics it beautifully recreates the sport. Set on an oval field, there are two teams of 18 players (sometimes more), and the aim is to score goals by kicking the ball between two central posts for 6 points, or through two posts either side for 1 point (called a behind). Attempting to do this is made complicated by a number of modifiers set before the game, and then after every goal scored. These modifiers could be shrinking down your players, making some players giant, increasing the accuracy of kicks, or introducing someone’s dad’s car onto the pitch.

Like I said, it is a perfect simulation.

The presentation is bright and colourful, the commentator is hilarious with his intonation of ‘FOOTY’ (voiced by Aunty Donna’s Broden Kelly) at random points, and while I played it I got a real sense of the excitement of the matches. It was a delight to see the 70-foot-tall players stomping down the field only to be taken out by a plucky human, then said human being taken out by the falling giant.

There are kicks, tackles and jumps for the players to maneuver around the pitch, and the action is fast paced, with many of the reasons that the real game might have a stoppage (players failing to bounce the ball, or fouls) being completely omitted in favour of just having a lot of FOOTY happening.

The options to play are quick match (versus the computer or another human), or go into a full season. The season is where I spent most of my time.

At the beginning of each match players have to go through three batches of randomly selected cards and pick one from each draw. As mentioned, these cards have varying effects and can be a boon, or a curse. As the season progresses these cards and effects stack up. This ends up being a facsimile of team fatigue and injury, and spices up each match.

What ended up surprising me is that I even started figure out tactics – scoring a ‘behind’ for 1 point doesn’t bring the ball back to the center of the pitch, so when I was feeling confident I’d aim for that first and then go for a goal straight after using my player driving his dad’s car to punish the weaker defence. I am pretty sure they do the same thing in real life, probably with less vehicular manslaughter. Probably.

Pro Jank Footy does a clever trick with its gameplay and presentation, although it is all tongue-in-cheek, it ends up having a lot more depth than initial impressions might lead you to think. It is easy to pick up and play, making it easier to convince sports-averse people to try it out, but there are genuine ways to get better at the game, even when someone has played a card that means there are now 72 players on the pitch instead of 36.

Conclusion

It might not be the Aussie Rules simulation that people want, but Pro Jank Footy is an accessible sports game, that ended up making me appreciate some of the finer points of the real sport. Perfect for beginners that have no idea about this sport, or any sports for that matter.

This game was reviewed based on the Xbox Series release played on Series S|X. All of the opinions and insights here are subject to that version. The reviewer purchased the title.